Folks who enjoy camping often find time with nature appealing. They like watching wildlife, relaxing by a fire and escaping the noise of city-life. Public campgrounds are full of these unique people and offer wonderful opportunities to express your inner jerk.
Take your talents out of town and into the wildness using some of these proven techniques for making enemies at a public campground:
- Play loud music…even inside of your RV – If you can’t stand the sound of wind through the trees or birds chirping and you sport some antisocial tendencies, this technique might be for you. It has a slightly passive aggressive zest that some find appealing. Several years ago on a mommy/son trip, the RV camper next to us cranked Mozart to Warp 9 inside of his rig. Not only could we hear the muffled tunes through the walls, but every time Mozart Man, as we called him, opened and closed his door he blasted us. His performance was so legendary that we still speak of it in awe to this day.
- Set up/break down camp loudly at 4:30 am – This method is effective because many campers play hard all day but have a tough time falling asleep in a tent. Just as they finally reach their deepest and most restful sleep in the cool hours before dawn, it’s time to make your move. Start by shining your lights in their tents as you pull stakes or crank up your trusty diesel RV. Better yet, recruit help from your large extended family and move in at that hour, pounding stakes and discussing all of your exciting plans for the coming day. Torment and frustration will show on fellow campers’ faces as they emerge from their tents giving you immediate gratification that you succeeded on your mission.
- Wander through your neighbor’s campsite – Violating personal space is powerful method of ticking off fellow campers. Just make sure to ignore the campers as you walk through, or you risk playing on their kindness and understanding, which would defeat the point of the exercise. Simply act aloof, cutting close to their camp chairs. You get bonus points if you can elicit a snide comment from the campers as you pass. Now if for some reason you want to MAKE friends in camp, show up offering to share French press coffee in the morning or offer to share a bottle of micro-brew at sunset.
- Move in on a campsite that’s reserved – That little tag hanging on the post, it’s there for a reason. Throwing it in the garbage doesn’t make it go away; it just makes you a jerk, an assertive tactic for making enemies at camp. In fact, this ploy is so brave; you should get extra points for being THAT camper. Set up your camp and chairs, open a beer, turn up your portable radio and act cool. Likely, the first people to notice will be your neighboring campers, but the real payoff comes when the rightful site owner shows up and finds you relaxing in their site. Granted, this method usually results in the extra work of having to relocate to an open site, but you will feel solid in your place as THAT camper.
- Stay up late being loud – This one is so obvious that I left it until last. If you choose to use this method, at least be creative with your noise. Instead of just partying, try adding in some arguments, noisy sex, bongos…whatever your noise of choice is, turn it up overnight.
Become the stuff of legends using these time-tested methods and know that your valiant efforts will be spoken of for years to come.
This post is meant to be humor, please take it as such. The photo at the top is actually of a camp that was decorated at the TAG Fall Cave-In for a contest and they did an awesome job. It just happened to fit the editorial concept I was going for in this fun post.
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