Warning…. I’m about to get personal, so if that irks you, it’s time to sign off. This post is about the challenges surrounding my recent move, and all of the support that made it all come together in the end.
First an apology. The last few weeks have been some of the most challenging I’ve faced in years so this blog has suffered both in the quality and quantity of posts.
In past posts, I’ve shared how I departed corporate life, my quest toward a life worth living, and how the outdoors has been my constant therapist. I feel I should clarify something, all of my life has been worth living, in fact, I’ve been very fortunate. This journey is about creating a life that achieves balance between work, play etc. in a way I haven’t achieved in the past. This is a raw post that shares how even positive change can be tough.
The next step in my journey was a move to a city where I could have a better quality of life. It’s the first completely selfish (major) decision I’ve ever made. (Okay, I’m sure I have an ex or two who may disagree…) I can safely say it hurt some people close to me and for that, I am sorry. At the end of the day, I have only so many years in this life and I want to enjoy them fully. I love my family, but they aren’t by my side every day. In fact, no one is. It’s just me and I have to live life accordingly.
The process of leaving Orlando wasn’t very smooth. It had both logistical and emotional challenges.
When I decided to move to Salt Lake City, I also opted to downsize and simplify. That meant getting rid of many possessions. The easy things were furniture, clothes, and simple material things. The challenge came in parting with heirlooms passed down to me from my grandparents. Wow. I’d never totally gotten over their death and now I had to part with their things. That was a heart ripper.
I pondered old photos of the tent my grandparents lived in during their young-married years. Then I recognized that they lived the simple life I desired and surly would understand. So I let go.
Next, I had to turn over office files to my business partner and trust that he could handle the responsibility. I had to give up control. Then I realized that to be free, I had to quit controlling. So I let go.
My son and his girlfriend had moved into the guestroom and my moving was going to displace them. I felt guilty and I knew I’d miss them terribly. Then I realized it was time for them to lead an independent life. So I let go.
My daughter and I have always been close and leaving her was a bitch (sorry, no nice way to say it). But she is living her life and I have to live mine. I hope that someday she will understand that I doesn’t mean I love her any less. I had to let go, and go.
I had another personal blow that I won’t detail, but I wouldn’t be in Salt Lake if it weren’t for the experience. Everything in life has a purpose and I’m grateful regardless.
To sum it up, I had to let go of so much and so many emotions collided in such a short space, that I wasn’t sure I could pack and complete a critical writing assignment at the same time. Then something special happened. My close family and friends rallied around me as I’d never experienced before. Each provided a piece of the support I needed, packing, planning, cooking, cleaning, shoulders to cry on, advice, encouragement… Every time I felt like I was about to fall, there they were propping me up.
My sister stayed on with me for the drive across country and for the first few days in my new home. She tolerated moods that ranged from joy to tears over the course of 2,300+ miles. Along the way, I received news that my writing assignment was well received. Tremendous relief. I’d pulled it off in spite of everything – thanks to lots love and support.
I never want to give the false impression that my path toward a life worth living has been without bumps. This post should illustrate that even positive change isn’t always easy. Sometimes it just sucks. Still, I’ve kept my eyes focused on my goals and each change brings me closer to where I want to be. Often, I thought I was on this journey alone, but I realize now how much support I’ve had all along. I just didn’t need to draw on it until now.
Today I dropped my sister off at the airport and spent my first full day working in my new hometown. The spectacular Wasatch Range at the edge of town summons me for an afternoon hike or a day of skiing. I know I’m home, but I’ll miss all of the people that I left behind who selflessly helped be come to this place both physically and emotionally. You know who you are. Thank you.